Poetry Report: HR Letter from Al Qaeda


“Your George W. Bush impression
is horrible”

Poetry Report 6.4.13.jpg

Last week's uncovered letter about an HR kerfuffle in the ranks of Al Qaeda, just goes to prove organization is hard for everybody. The unorganized of the world are even a terror to terrorists.

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It's Hard to Recruit the Courteous


You would have made a great terrorist,
you look great in a ski mask,
very menacing and all,
but the secretary drops
into a Grand Mal
when you leave your originals
on the copier every day.

When you were scouting
out locations of mass murder
you forgot to save
your receipts from Pizza Hut
and Baskin Robbins. 350 dollars
for a clown cake?

It's all I can do
to keep the accountants off you.
One shot up the office yesterday,
declaring jihad on the fax machine.

Your George W. Bush impression
is horrible and who cuts
their nails 5 times a day
in their cube? I can hear you,
Manny-Pedi Bin Laden.

The other day when you said
"What did you buy me for lunch?"
for the fiftieth day in a row
I swear to God I almost cut
your inconsiderate throat right there,
just for the killing practice.

You're simply too unprofessional
for terrorism. You and your
"Everyone Knows It’s Windy!" ringtone
have to leave. Now.
God willing, IHOP is hiring.

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Scott Poole

Scott Poole is the House Poet for Live Wire! Radio, a weekly public radio show taped in Portland, OR and broadcast throughout the country. He is the author of three books of poetry, The Cheap Seats, Hiding from Salesmen and, most recently, The Sliding Glass Door (2011, Colonus Publishing). He was also the founding director of Wordstock, the annual Portland, OR book festival.

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Poetry Report: The International Gesture