Deathwish 015: Shenyah
“I had never experienced the loss of a person through social media”
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“Added on Saturday, January 24, 2015 – Have a Meeting with God – transportation left at 6:38 am” –Facebook User
She sent a group message to six of us through Facebook, explaining her health condition, and that her “days were numbered.” I couldn’t get through to her directly, so Facebook became my source for answers. I felt very confused, living in another time, disconnected and cold; yet I was also hyper-connected, witnessing each response to the heartbreaking news, in real time.
The thread quickly became unsettling to me; sad emoticons, simple responses like, “oh no.” I had never experienced the loss of a person through social media, let alone a death that we all knew was coming. I couldn’t express my real thoughts, I couldn’t possibly put into words how I felt. All I could bring myself to write was, “Can we talk soon?” She responded with a smiley face, and the very last response in the thread was, “👍”.
Her personal Facebook was quickly flooded with memories, well wishes, and more emoticons. Every time I saw a sobbing 😢, my skin crawled and confusion stiffened me. I was sick with constantly checking her page for updates. I couldn’t engage. I wasn’t sure how.
I hosted a live memorial through Skype since she lived so far away. We were able to hear each other’s laughter, to reminisce and smile together one last time.
I read the news of her passing through a post on her page, followed by, “😞”. I never received a phone call. I guess everyone assumes you can just get the latest on Facebook and for the most part, it’s true.
My grieving has also been bizarre. Since her death, Facebook has notified me that she “changed her profile picture,” “updated her cover photo” and even “liked” a post on my page. Each time I am notified of her activity, I am forced to process that it isn’t her, and it will never be her again. It all feels so eerie and inappropriate to me, but I can’t bring myself to delete her from my Friends list. Thankfully for situations like this, Facebook offers profile memorialization. My request is pending.
"The Facebook Virtual Memorial currently consists of 30 million profiles." --Huffington Post
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To read the previous installment, "Deathwish 014: Julia," go here.
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Shenyah was born in Rochester, MI, and lives in Portland, OR.