Leavers by Kevin Sampsell
“Our relationship was infected with disappointment”
When we first met, you were still married but separated from your husband. It was not the ideal circumstance, but it’s what we found ourselves in. You told me he still loved you but your feelings for him had changed for some unknown reason. He would send you gifts and leave messages for you. You didn’t want to tell him to stop because you secretly liked it. But deep inside, you knew that you couldn’t love him in the same way.
I often wondered if I would be in his position someday.
But I had no right to think that. I was also married when we met and my feelings, for my wife, had changed too. I never told anyone exactly why but it came down to one thing: disappointment. I became disappointed in her and I was disappointed in myself because I couldn’t make her better. Our relationship was infected with disappointment. It ate away at us.
You and I found each other and tried to run away from our poisons and sadnesses. You looked for freedom. I looked for escape. Once a leaver, always a leaver. Sometimes I feel like we’re just keeping an eye on each other.
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Kevin Sampsell is a writer and small press publisher living in Portland, Oregon. He is the editor of Portland Noir (Akashic Books) and author of the memoir, A Common Pornography (Harper Perennial). Find more out about Kevin Sampsell here: Future Tense Books.