Lady Jonathan Tells All, #6
“none of our business. LOUD BUZZING SOUND: No. I do not agree.”
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Dear Lady Jonathan,
Is it ever appropriate to butt in when a parent is handling their
child in public, in a way that seems inappropriate? Or for that
matter, is it ever okay to say something when you see wrong-doing in
public? Seems like everyone is always frozen in politeness, instead of
actually saying what they know is right. Case in point, I watched a
mother braiding her three year-old daughter's hair in very tight coils, as
the child screamed and cried for her to stop, while on my morning
subway commute. Everyone watched politely as the mother basically
tortured the poor girl for the 15 minute journey. I felt guilty all
day for not piping up. Or was I supposed to keep my mouth shut?
Thanks for the advice!
Mellie
Hi Mellie,
The amount of cruelty I’ve witnessed being spewed from parent to child, particularly in public transportation scenarios, is so disturbing. Why don’t parents realize when they tell their three-year-old to SHUT THE FUCK UP repeatedly, they are teaching a very fresh and innocent being how to communicate with anger and disrespect? This is a three-year-old. They’ve barely learned to speak—and already, they need to shut the fuck up. But it’s not the words that hurt the most. It’s the hatred on the parent’s face, and the look in the child’s eyes as they try to navigate the world where their one protector is screaming at them, disregarding them, treating them like they are disgusting. The look in the eyes of these children is death to me. Their little shoulders caving a bit, their mouths firm. All I see is a brand new spirit, full of bright light that is being aggressively snuffed out.
Consensus is one should not interfere when they see a parent being a total asshole to their child. Hitting their child. Screaming at them. They say it ultimately is none of our business. LOUD BUZZING SOUND: No. I do not agree.
We are bipedal. As a result of walking upright, we have narrow hips. This means we give birth prematurely. At six weeks old, my cat was making his own decisions, walking around, using a litter box, feeding himself. A human at six weeks old is a misshapen blob who is literally capable of nothing aside from suckling. It’s not the human baby’s fault. Our birth canal has been compromised!
VS.
So we give birth to these things that can’t even hold their own head up with skulls that are not even fully formed. As a result, we need our families and community to help us. This living being cannot walk for a long time, vomits frequently, and has really no ability whatsoever to survive on its own until you send it to survival camp (sometimes referred to as “diet camp”) in the Ozarks at age 13.
Whether taking care of children together out of necessity built the community spirit of human beings, or if the community spirit of human beings is innate—the saying, “it takes a village to raise a child” is accurate. We need help raising our young. They can’t even be in the sun without frying. It’s like, they can just snap their neck and be paralyzed just by existing!
This can of course lead to mental illness in the parent. Night after night of being woken up, the constant worry of this creature, which can die at any moment, the amount of times that tiny voice says, mom, mom, mama, mom, ma, ma, mama, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mama, mom, ma, ma, mama, mom, mom, mama, mom, ma, ma, mama, mom, mom, mama, mom, ma, ma, mama, mom! The shrieking cries!
Parents are fucking overwhelmed. They need our help.
Parents are also human beings. They were treated a certain way while they were developing. Maybe screaming SHUT THE FUCK UP to a toddler is the nice version of what they were dealt as children. Maybe yanking a child by the arm and calling it “stupid” is behavior they associate with love. The thing is, they are wrong. Cruelty ruins people and therefor society. Since people control the planet in many ways, we can even say that cruelty destroys the entire world. It needs to stop.
So this whole business about holding your tongue and minding your own business? Yeah, fuck that. Children are beings who will hold their experiences inside of them and mutate those experiences into their own behavior for the rest of their lives. Have you ever dated a person who was abused? I have. While this person was very sweet and well meaning, there was still such an acute disease of insecurity and a complete and utter blankness when it came to understanding calm and constant love. Oh, and there was pretty bad and frequent blackout drinking binges.
Back to how parents need help (by nature!)…I think that is the best way to approach these situations—to offer help. It might not work, but it’s a good start. “Kids are insane, can I help carry your bags/stroller/toddler?” “You must be stressed, I totally know how it is,” (start talking to kid to dissipate the situation). Interact with the child in a kind way and give a knowing look to the parent. Yeah right, you say, some of these parents are violent and psychotic monsters. Yeah, be wary of the truly violent. If they are super terrifying, call the cops. Taking the violence on yourself won’t help the world. Police are good for public shaming (and private shaming as it were).
As an aside, in Paris, the public at large feels completely free to make any array of comments to parents about their inadequacy as caregivers. They will ask you where your child’s gloves are if it is slightly chilly. The waiter will tell you what you are doing wrong if your baby is crying at the dinner table. Unsolicited opinions and advice are everywhere. And as of yet, Paris hasn’t fallen to pieces from a plague of inappropriateness.
What can we learn from the animal kingdom about protecting the young of society? Let me choose a card.
Eagle medicine is the ability to live in the realm of the spirit, and yet remain connected to the Earth. This means capture your beliefs and bring them to the Earth.
Eagle feathers are considered the most sacred healing tools. Use these tools for healing the pain you see around you. They have been used for centuries to cleanse the auras of patients coming to them for healing. When you are witnessing pain in children, remember Eagle and the healing it represents. Act as a cleansing force.
Within the belief systems of the Native American tribes, Eagle represents a sense of grace through understanding and a completion of the tests of initiation, which results in the taking of one’s personal power. Can you see this situation as an opportunity to hold your own power? As a chance to powerfully present to the world your belief of right and wrong ? Do so with grace.
Pulling this card means Eagle is reminding you to take your heart and gather courage, for the universe is presenting you with the opportunity to soar above the mundane and sometimes dark levels of the world. It may indicate a spiritual test. In learning to fiercely attack your own fear of the unknown, the wings of your soul will be supported by the ever-present breezes—the breath of the Divine.
Well, that’s that. It sounds like you should not only confront situations where you witness cruelty to children, but that you are being presented with this opportunity to capture your own power and soar above as part of your personal journey.
Be brave, fly high, feel solid in your power of compassion—this work is very important.
Hugs to you, Mellie,
Lady Jonathan
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