Lady Jonathan Tells All, #13
“the intricacies of flirting with intention vs. flirting with no real intention”
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I have a difficulty not flirting, whether with boys or girls, women or
men, I love the quick feeling of being cared for, even in an empty
moment. Lately I have had some friends trying to take my flirtations to
the next level. How do I say no without hurting their feelings? I feel
like they should know me well enough to know when my flirt is for the
hook up and when it is an extension of my friendliness.
Yours in feeling good,
Conrad Arbunukle
Hi Conrad,
Thank you for writing. You sound like a really good time. But not a really good time cause you obviously don’t put out. You know what, Conrad? That’s really fucked up. You flirt and flirt and aren’t willing to just lay down and take it once in a while? Every blinking eye, every touch on the thigh, every coy smile—they are all PROMISES of FUCKING. How many promises are you making per night that you are completely breaking? How many promises do you make in the café getting your iced Latte before work? How many promises at work? You’re breaking a lot of promises, Conrad and guess what, it’s not cool.
Don’t you know that if you flirt too much, you owe someone your genitals? Your genitals do not belong to you after 5 minutes (sometimes less depending how hot you are) of flirting. They belong to whomever it is you are batting your eyes at, Conrad. Those are the facts of life and everybody knows it except for you.
Basically what I am saying here is that you should stop existing entirely if you can’t control your flirting—unless you start having oral/anal/vaginal sex on a regular basis with the people you are flirting with. DO EVERY PAIR OF TREMBLING BLUE BALLS AND EVERY SET OF WARM, WET PANTIES A FAVOR AND FLING YOURSELF OFF OF A BRIDGE, CONRAD.
Omg, Conrad I am totally joking!!! You don’t owe those fools anything! Be yourself. Thing is, being yourself comes with consequences if you are going to blur the line of actual interest and just flirting. The consequence is, you’ll be put into uncomfortable situations with friends and whomever and you’ll have to back out of them politely and shamelessly explain that you were just flirting. That’s just the way it’s going to go.
Human beings are so totally confused about everything. They see things how they want to see them and carry around bloated gutfuls of assumptions about themselves, about you and about “how things work.” We can’t expect them to be able to detect the intricacies of flirting with intention vs. flirting with no real intention. It’s just too much to ask, Conrad.
That means if you want to keep flirting your life away, things will get awkward sometimes. There’s nothing you can do about it. They don’t owe you their understanding just like you don’t owe them your genitals.
What you are faced with here is a cost/benefit analysis. Does flirting make you so deeply fulfilled that it is worth getting into a litany of awkward situations? If yes, accept this byproduct and continue twirling your hair, biting your lip, staring at someone’s mouth then crotch then mouth then crotch, etc.
If the flirting doesn’t bring you enough joy to deal with the byproduct, start practicing not flirting. See how it feels. See if you can connect with people on a level other than attraction. There are so many ways to connect with people and find meaning and energy in that connection. Experiment with that.
Only you truly know what all that flirting does for you. Is it attention? Does it make you feel powerful? Are you just a cup brimming full of lust for the world? Is it your way of controlling your comfort or acceptance in social situations? Are you able to have friendships that don’t involve someone who is attracted to you? Is it drama that you are actually flirting with? I certainly don’t know. But I do know I love asking questions.
Let’s consult our animal medicine cards. Ready? This is always such a good time.
I’ve contemplated your situation and the deck gave me Crow.
Get this: There’s a medicine story that talks about Crow’s fascination with her own shadow. She kept looking at it, scratching it, pecking at it, until her shadow woke up and became alive. Then Crow’s shadow ate her.
Crow medicine people are masters of illusion. Are you?
Since I drew your card upside down, it will have a different meaning than traditional Crow medicine. Crow reversed may indicate rebellion on the wild outlaw, bar fight level. It can also be a more subtle style of rebellion such as merely “cheating a little” on your diet or “kind of” spying on your married neighbors while they are screaming at each other about a shiny brand new herpes diagnosis, or thinking, “promises are meant to be broken.**” Crow says that in any of those situations, it’s only you who are losing.
If you are lying to yourself on any level, you have lost the power of Crow. Think about it and maybe your inner truth will come to you.
If you are able to see what is true, you may need to weed out some of your past ideas and beliefs. Contrary Crow speaks of needing to remember that Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self-truths. It is instead honoring the harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and love of all living creatures. Perhaps you need to not focus on your actions being judged, but rather how they contribute, or take away from, the harmony and truth in the world.
Crows says to honor the past as your teacher, honor the present as your creation and honor the future as your inspiration. And remember, everything is your own creation.
What is it that you are creating?
Big Kiss, Conrad!
Lady Jonathan
**My previous rant on promises was not informed by the reverse crow card. I chose the card after writing about breaking promises. Seriously.
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