Lady Jonathan Tells All, #2
“Anyone in a wonderful relationship knows that sometimes”
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Dear Lady Jonathan,
I love my husband. He is perfect and we compliment each other very
well but I just can't seem to stop flirting with other men. I know
that they could never compare to what I have now but there are just so
many pretty horses out there I want to ride. Please help.
-- All the Pretty Horses
Dearest Lover of All the Pretty Horses,
I am so glad you wrote. First, what a wonderful problem you have and second, thank you for bringing up horses. I love horses. And their buns. Have you noticed the powerful buns on a horse? Truly phenomenal. How can we not want to ride a rump so perfectly round and capable?
Since you are seeing the men you desire as horses, let’s talk about Horse.
There is a native saying that might blow your mind. It is, “stealing horses is stealing power.” Does flirting with men who are not your own make you feel powerful? When you fantasize about mounting another man, are you powerful in that image? Does feeling power make you hot? Do you feel a sense of power in your marriage? I love asking questions.
“Horse” is physical power and unearthly power. Throughout the world, Horse enables shamans to fly through the air and reach heaven. Certainly sounds ecstatic. When is the last time you felt ecstasy? What does ecstasy look like to you? More questions.
When humans domesticated horses, they made a huge leap forward—akin to fire. Before Horse, humans were earthbound, heavy-laden and slow creatures. Climbing on Horse’s back gave human beings the wind of freedom. Uh oh.
But not uh oh really.
Anyone in a wonderful relationship knows that sometimes it can feel as though the wild swirl of one’s burn has become more of a comforting summer breeze. Both are pleasurable. You might feel a sense of loss for a place you willingly moved out of. Perhaps on these other men you can smell the musk of prairie wind in their hair. That bright freedom. And maybe you just want to see how hard you can blow. How many dandelions you can explode. Maybe you want to remember the wind.
I have no idea how hard you’re flirting with these men. I don’t know if you are making a fool of your husband or yourself. I’d like to think, based on the brevity and elegance of your letter, that you are flirting in a subtle and sexy way—undercover—not making a scene. I am writing under that premise.
Under that premise, it is so not a big deal to be flirting. TOTALLY TOTALLY NOT A BIG DEAL, #nbd. If you are deeply connected to your husband, he knows who you are and how you feel about him. Better yet, if you are best friends, he can give a knowing smile about it. Giggle with you even. Talk with you about the amazing lower lip pout of that dude ordering a Czech beer.
But let’s take it one step further. What if you want to fuck one of these guys? What if flirting isn’t just flirting, but instead a test you are giving yourself to see how far you might let things go with each particular pretty horse? People love to say stuff like, “if you don’t want to be committed, why did you get married?” Or “if you start wanting other people, maybe you’re not in love.” My response to that is: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. You know if you love your husband. You married because you wanted to (most likely). If you feel like fucking someone else, which one can argue is very natural; maybe you should just talk to your best friend about it.
We can be best friends if you want (!) but the best friend I am talking about here is your husband. Seriously. If it is something that you really, really want and crave, you should just tell him about it. Not in a hurtful way, in a sexy way. Be open to him freaking out or admitting to wanting the same or laughing at you or even getting turned on. Bring it up in a moment when both of your guards are down and you are feeling like a giggly, naked 17 year-old in a warm lake under a full summer moon.
There’s something else you should prepare yourself for, if you toy with the idea of sleeping with another horse, with permission. It might not seem hot anymore. You may be like, oh, boring, what a bother. Your image of flying through wild flowers on a stallion under thousands of stars, flinging yourself toward ecstasy, might become a total snooze. Losing a fantasy can be hard. It can make you feel lonely. And it leaves room for another unknown fantasy—the likes of which could be truly horrible. We have no idea.
Have lots of fun my darling.
Spurs and Stars,
Lady Jonathan
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