I Stole Jim Carroll's Robitussin And All I Got Was This by Jesse Bradley

---

I Stole Jim Carroll's Robitussin And All I Got Was This

“It feels like Aquaman punched me in the ear” comes out as “it FEELS LIKE AQUAman PUNCHED me in THE EAR.”

I tried filing a restraining order, pressing charges even but I couldn't remember which Aquaman did it: the goofy, beat-boxing with dolphins, gay-for-pay one or the other one that lost a hand, gained an attitude.

If I want to be all clever and shit, I could say “It feels like Edna Pontellie drowns in my ear canal like it was the Gulf of Mexico” but then I think of all the mouths opening like pockets, waiting for rocks.

5% of people who read this will wish I used Namor in the first sentence; this is not a bad thing.

* * *

J. Bradley is the author of Dodging Traffic (Ampersand Books, 2009) and the author of the flash fiction chapbook The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot (Safety Third Enterprises, 2010).

He is the Interview Editor of PANK Magazine and lives at iheartfailure.net.