Deathwish 031: Brad
“I reached down and searched for my soul”
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Lying on the hospital bed in the prep room ten minutes before I was going into transplant surgery, I cannot pretend that I was all stoic and brave. I admit it, a part of me was scared as hell. A large part of me. My liver. The largest organ of my body. It was finally going to die. Poor bastard. I 'spose it had put up the good fight.
Survived through all them nights of illicit drugs and all them shots of various liquors that I had forced upon it. Pulled and crawled itself through all those years of Hep C, incurring the slow but determined scarring that it would learn to adorn like a bad dress to a senior prom. The fucking thing had even put up with cancer and fought it off with the resolve of a Union soldier charging up a hill.
My old liver, it was science that finally would do it in. Doctors and surgeons and nurses and medicines.
The science that not long ago would be considered sorcery of the highest degree, susceptible to a hanging or a burning at the stake.
Speaking of steak, my mother liked her liver with grilled onions and potatoes.
Many cultures of the violent nature thought that the eating of the liver of one’s conquered adversary could make one braver and much less susceptible to a wayward arrow or sword.
Many cultures consider the liver to be where the soul abides.
That it houses the emotions of anger.
I don’t think anybody would have wanted to eat my liver. One look at it and they would throw it back into the pond.
I woke six hours later on a similar hospital bed. My abdomen held together by a long row of staples and tape. My body felt as if I had been run over by a truck.
My mind felt different. Felt like a long battle was finally over.
My new liver, from a man I never would meet.
I reached down and searched for my soul.
I did not feel any anger at all. Only grateful.
Somebody put on a little bit of some James Brown, and please, please, turn it up.
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To read the previous installment, "Deathwish 030: Kristen," go here. To participate in Deathwish, find details here.
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Brad was born in San Gabriel, California and currently lives in Portland, OR.