Deathwish 022: Roni


“Going under for the last time”

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The raft is above me. I’m in darkness: cool, wet, silent. I backpedal my arms going under deeper, trying to get out from underneath. I need air. I try to surface. The surface is solid, not even a gap to steal a breath.

It’s a sunny day and school is out. We load the raft with a cooler full of beer and smoke a joint before setting off down the rapids on the Spokane River. Gary, Rick, and I climb in and set off.

We aim for the waves, the bigger the better. Whoop-dee-doos we call them. We hit whoop-dee-doos that make our raft catch air. This is the fun part. The river runs high. Too late, we yell at Rick to not steer for the one hiding a boulder just under its surface. Gary and I see the edge of it just under the water. Our warning almost gives Rick enough time to get the raft turned sideways. Then, we hit. Flipped.

I am under water, still riding the current. The raft now riding me. It’s quiet and dark under the water. I try to rise one more time. I can’t find the light. Still that taught vinyl skin is solid above me. I can feel its mass on the surface all around me. I submit. Going under for the last time.

Motion, movement above. Light in the darkness above. I swim for it. I come up, taking in the breath I thought would never come. I hear my friends yelling. I hear the rushing water. I hear an airplane overhead. I squint in the brightness of the sun. I see the shore littered with beer cans. I see my friends on the bank. I see strangers crowded around.

It was quiet down there, cool and dark.

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To read the previous installment, "Deathwish 021: Adam," go here. To participate in Deathwish, find details here.

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Roni was born in Spokane, WA currently lives in Silverton, OR.


Matty Byloos

Matty Byloos is Co-Publisher and a Contributing Editor for NAILED. He was born 7 days after his older twin brother, Kevin Byloos. He is the author of 2 books, including the novel in stories, ROPE ('14 SDP), and the collection of short stories, Don't Smell the Floss ('09 Write Bloody Books).

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