Deathwish 016: Robin
“If you are like me, and sometimes you get sad”
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I spent the first 18 years of my life living in a Norwichtown, a Colonial Connecticut village encompassed by the larger and somewhat derelict City of Norwich, The Rose of New England. Norwichtown had its town green, its historically preserved one room schoolhouse and educational museum, several houses that George Washington supposedly lodged in, and an old cemetery, which broke ground in 1699. History and fantasy entwined in the hours I would spend around my house, built in 1771, pretending I was magically transformed back to the Olden Days, and had to win over the townspeople else I be drowned or burned alive as a witch.
Our backyard connected to an old sheep-grazing meadow, which connected to the Old Town cemetery. There I would attempt to channel ghosts, to feel their presence. I’d gaze deeply at a headstone, imagining the pile of bones below it and the cry of lost souls longing to be corporeal again. Nothing ever happened. No amount of grave touching, grave nudging, or gentle grave kicking released a spirit. Although I had seen Poltergeist and had banished all clowns from my room, I was wasn’t afraid of my town’s ghosts. If there weren’t ghosts, what happened when you died? The not-knowing felt scarier.
I thought of the ghosts of Norwichtown as regular folks going about their Colonial era days, only invisibly. More than I wanted to see them, I wanted to be among them. When I was about 8, I had the idea to create a ghost in my house, to haunt the next girl who would live in my bedroom. I wrote a note from this ghost on the wall of my closet: “If you are like me, and sometimes you get sad, know that you are not alone.”
When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread in that closet, in the barn, and on the lawn overlooking the meadows and the Old Town Cemetery. Save some ashes for the lilac bushes that cordon off the back garden, and of course get some on the stone walls by the side of the house. Some little girl will be looking for something and I want her to know she’s not alone.
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To read the previous installment, "Deathwish 015: Shenyah," go here. To participate in Deathwish, find details here.
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Robin was born in Norwich, CT, and lives in Portland, OR.