Deathwish 001: Kevin
“I’d regret not saying yes more often”
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If I died today, I’d regret not saying yes more often. I spent my teens, my twenties, and my early thirties saying no. To friends, to family, to my career goals, to opportunities. I’d say no to just about anything to keep the status quo going.
I spent fourteen years of my adult life in a fucked-up marriage that swallowed my entire identity. There was no me. There was only us, and the other half of us didn’t like my friends, didn’t like to go out, didn’t like to be alone, ever. I said no to parties, dinners, drinks, concerts, travel, my writing career.
Now I’m thirty-six years old, I’m getting divorced, and I’m trying to rebuild my life. Trying to say yes to anything I can possibly say yes to. It’s pretty amazing what happens once you start saying yes. All of a sudden your friends start inviting you out again. People you haven’t talked to you in years reach out to you when they see on Facebook how different your life is.
Saying yes gets me in trouble sometimes. I said no to drugs like the commercials taught me my entire life, but in the last year, I’ve said yes a few times, and except maybe the mushrooms, I wasn’t into it. I’ve slept with more than one married woman. I’ve said yes to dates with people I know I would never be compatible with, to one-night stands, to weird, kinky sex. All to see what happens.
I push past my own boundaries by saying yes, and I make myself uncomfortable. But I’ve learned more about who I am in the last year than I did during the first thirty-five. I don’t regret a single yes, no matter what kind of a mess it’s made.
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Kevin is from South Dakota and currently lives in Portland, OR.