Lady Jonathan Tells All, #4

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“Escape into the world that sex creates. It is not planet Earth.”

Hi:

So my issue is that I am seeing two separate women (both know that I
have multiple partners). One partner (girl 1) I can last forever with
and we have great timing. The other (girl 2), well, it seems we always
have fits and starts and just can't get a rhythm. The thing is, I
always get off so fast with her. I don't really know why and was
wondering if you had any advice. Is it just that some people are
naturally more compatible to have wilder sex? The other issue is that
with girl 2 I actually think I am getting off because it feels so
good. The thing is she isn't enjoying it as much because there is no
rhythm to it. I guess my question is, Is this normal and any
suggestions to adjust this?

                                                                                                     -- Marscapone

Dear Marscapone,

(Twiddles thumbs, purses lips, breathes deeply.) (Breathes deeply again.) Let’s start by reading your animal medicine card.

Oh snap, you’ve been dealt the Coyote!

Coyote in your cards means medicine is headed your way—and it may or may not be to your liking. Good or bad though, it will definitely make you laugh, maybe even painfully. You can be sure Coyote will teach you a lesson about yourself.

Coyote has magical powers but oddly, they do not always work in his favor. He is the master trickster who tricks himself. He falls in his very own trap—yet manages to survive. He may be banged up from experience but you know, he moves right along… to an even greater error, and oops forgetting to learn from his mistakes. Sure, he may lose like a ton of battles, but he is never beaten.

Modern humans treat Coyote like a villainous piece of garbage. However, Coyote medicine is sacred—for in the folly of his acts, we see our own foolishness. Coyote moves from one disaster to the next while refining the art of self-sabotage.

What’s your disaster?

No one can blindly do themselves (and others) in with the grace and ease of these holy tricksters. Yet, Coyote takes himself super seriously. So seriously that sometimes he just can’t see the obvious. Coyote on a fixie bike doesn’t see the Escalade that’s about to roll over him. He says, “Was that really an Escalade? I better go look.” SPLATTTCRUNCHNFFF.

You better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout! Your self-mirrors may crash to the floor at any moment in a symphony of shrieking laughter! (Curious, are you good at fucking in your self-mirrors?)

The divine trickster is dogging you man, and guess what—you may trip.

What to do, what to do.

Go immediately beneath the surface of your experiences. Ask yourself what you are really doing and why. Are you playing a joke on yourself? Maybe two jokes?

You may also have no idea you are blowing bubbles in a bath of foolishness. You may have conned yourself, your friends—EVEN THE PUBLIC AT LARGE into believing you know what you are doing. Thing is, you are all dolled up in the fine silks of your own machinations.

Focus. See through the genius of your self-sabotage. Find it amusing and laugh-out-loud, trickster. Go on and laugh-out-loud! If you can’t laugh at your crazy antics, WAMP, WAMP—you’ve lost. And any man who names himself after a special type of cheese certainly doesn’t want to be a loser. No way, no how!

Coyote always comes calling when things get too serious. The medicine is in laughing and joking. Tears of laughter help us clear our eyes to new viewpoints.

Wanna lol together? Let me answer your questions:

1. Is it normal to get off because it feels so good? Duh.
2. Is it normal to get off when your female partner is not getting off? Sure is. Not for everyone though. Some men aren’t turned on unless the woman they are fucking is getting off. No really, I mean it. Totally rare though.
3. Are some people naturally more compatible to have wilder sex? Duh. But I can’t figure out which babe you are talking about here. Are starts and stops wild? Lack of rhythm—wild? Not being able to last—wild? Lasting super long—wild? I mean, regardless, yeah, of course.
4. How do you fuck rhythmically? Practice. But also, don’t just pump. Just pumping—whetherfast or slow, for a long time or a short time, on the couch, bed, roof top, in the bar bathroom, park bench, yacht, in a heart shaped bed full of roses—is pretty inconsequential.

Here is my interpretation of Girl 1 and Girl 2, just for the lols that lead to seeing anew.

Girl 1: Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump, come.

Girl 2: pummppppumpummmmpumpumpumpump, O-FACE.

What I can’t figure out from your question is, are you asking me to tell you how to fuck a woman? Here’s some advice:

Learn the body of the woman you are fucking. Close your eyes. Tell your brain to shut the fuck up. Become something other than logic and skill. Escape into the world that sex creates. It is not planet Earth. There is no room there for gender or ego. No room for a physical presence at all. No spines, no glutes. Not even your cock exists. Her tits are not there. Stop looking for them. You are essentially attempting to match vibrations. Certain parts of our bodies make it easier to tap into those vibrations, but once the gateway is open, there is only vibration and no parts. That’s step one.

Let me know how it goes.

Aaaawhoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady Jonathan

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