Deathwish 007: Walden
“Real monsters are sober when they commit atrocities”
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After a while it all just seems so fucking quiet.
The noise, the worries, trivially mulling around through department stores, filling a void that feels aching and dull.
Blind violence. From the time I was a newborn, my life was filled with it. A broken-down trailer park in North Carolina is a petri dish for that kind of shit. My father used to hold me down by my throat when I was two to try to stop me from crying.
Real monsters are sober when they commit atrocities.
Small wonder I picked up a penchant for escapism, and a free pass to our revolving door penal system. At eighteen, my girlfriend signed me up for my first stint in the joint. The third time I was locked up, a clear vision of my future started to unfold. A grim vision where I let the violence that cradled me and rocked me to sleep take control of everything.
I'm in charge of my darkness. I started living on the streets in New York City, then Los Angeles. When you're willing to fight for a quarter because you haven't eaten in days, the value of your life is obvious.
Once, I was held at gunpoint. The mugger grabbed my arm, which threw his concentration. I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in front of oncoming traffic. The look of shock on his face was priceless.
I guess when you start in a place that is death, an empty limbo suspended halfway between the waking world and wolves circling your campfire, death becomes more of a presence. I don’t fear dying or much of anything else anymore.
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Walden was born in Asheville, NC, and lives in Portland, OR.